“We need to talk.”
No words are more dreaded in a relationship than these. However, communication between partners is the first step to improving a relationship and is an art that should be mastered by both parties. While I do not personally believe that communication is the most important aspect of a relationship, I do believe that it is crucial, as it is the key to building a stronger heart connection between partners. Here are three reasons that deep communication is important in any relationship.
It Lessens Confusion
“Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make — bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake — if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.” ― Lemony Snicket, The Austere Academy
Just because you have been in a relationship for a long time does not mean you can always assume what your partner is thinking. Even couples who have been married for more than fifty years cannot always guess or predict what is inside their spouse’s head. Saying things like, “I thought you knew,” or “I assumed that you already know,” is dangerous, because more often not, the opposite is what is true. To avoid confusion, always express your thoughts clearly and honestly. It is a simple solution that a lot of couples are taking for granted. If we made it a habit of saying what is inside our minds (of course, in a positive manner), and asking the other person whether we understood them clearly or not instead of simply making assumptions, there would be less confusions within relationships.
It Provides Assurance
Satisfaction in relationships is a direct result of the assurance felt by each party. It is the antidote to insecurities that often destroy the connection between couples. There are many ways you can provide assurance to your partner, but nothing is more effective than giving assurances through kind, honest, and loving words. You can do this either by sending your partner sweet text messages several times a day, or by surprising her with romantic notes from time to time. This form of deep communication reaffirms your romantic desires for your partner, getting rid of insecurities and reaffirming him or her. The result is a great increase in relationship commitment and satisfaction.
It Increases Satisfaction
Research shows that couples with excellent communication habits have higher satisfaction in their relationship. This satisfaction rate leads to longer life, according to studies. On the contrary, couples who have poor communication habits have high dissatisfaction rates. What is worse is that their poor communication habits often trap them in a vicious cycle that does not just degrade their relationship, but causes damage to them as individuals.
How is Deep Communication Done?
There are two ways deep communication can be done. One is through healthy confrontation, and the other is through listening. Both are vital ingredients to a healthy relationship.
I mentioned healthy confrontation, because you can confront another person in a manner that is unhealthy and hurtful. Confrontations should always be done in a positive and constructive manner, and should aim to solve a problem rather than blame the other party.
Through healthy confrontation, you can express to your partner how a specific word or action made you feel without attacking him or her. Healthy confrontation is crucial to a relationship because it seeks to resolve feelings instead of suppress them. Relationships are deepened through this form of communication because it seeks to solve problems instead of simply sweep them under the rag.
Listening Before Speaking
There is a reason that we have two ears and only one mouth – we were designed to listen first before speaking. Men, in particular, have a tendency to open their mouths and offer solutions instead of listening to what their partners have to say first. The key to communication is connecting to the other person on an emotional level. That means not only listening with your ears, but empathizing and sympathizing with your heart as well. Let us say your partner comes talking to you about a problem at work. Instead of offering an immediate solution, try listening to her first and ask her what she feels about the situation. She will appreciate it more if you simply listened to her and tried empathizing than if you offered a quick fix without attempting to understand her feelings.
The good news about communication in relationships is that it can be developed, and the process of learning such skill has the potential to bring couples a lot closer. It may take a while for two people to master the art of communicating effectively, but once they learn the process, it can have a huge, positive impact to their relationship.
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